Anxiety & Pregnancy

For the past few days I’d noticed a significant drop in babies movements. I Googled it (because Google is always such a great idea when it comes to medical stuff right?) & found that it could be “normal.” I’d been battling with the idea to call the hospital & tell them for fear of being “that” patient. The one who overreacts & wastes our hospitals time. It sounds dumb, but that was my thought…I think deep down it was also because I didn’t want anything to be wrong, if I voiced my concern, then I could be right…I was scared & I was anxious.

On Monday I rang the hospital & I explained my situation – I was 39weeks pregnant & had noticed a significant decrease in Fetal movements. The midwife on the end of the phone was lovely, she asked a few questions and then said she would like me to come in, that she had my name & details & that I needed to head to the maternity ward as they would like to check everything.

Naturally, my husband was at work & it was literally the only day he couldn’t leave as he was there by himself. Secondly, I tried to call my Mum who for the past month has never let her phone leave her side…except for that day, when her & Dad wanted to surprise us by driving 25 minutes away to get their baby car seat fitted. ANYWAY – after a little time I was able to get in touch with them, I would meet them at their house & Mum would come with me into hospital.

When we got to the hospital the midwives were nothing short of amazing. I kept apologising for being there, they said to me “never apologise, that’s what we are here for, we want you to come in, we want to help!” This made me feel better. As soon as the monitors went on, baby started moving. Baby then didn’t stop moving…for four hours…because Baby was literally having a nonstop party the midwives couldn’t get a base heart rate reading.  After the fourth hour they sent me home & said to come back in a little bit as they really wanted to make sure everything was as it should be.

We went home, I had a shower, ate some pizza & my husband took me back in.

We were there for only 2hours this time. Baby had fallen asleep, but they now needed to see it move a little to let me go home. Baby did what they wanted & everything was fine. Perfectly & utterly fine.

These midwives were so thorough, so caring, so incredible. They were beautiful human beings & the care they provided was outstanding. I honestly can’t thank them enough.

It also got me thinking about the anxiety that I’d felt whilst pregnant. Those first twelve weeks – every time I went to the bathroom & wiped I’d silently pray not to see any blood. The anxiety before each ultrasound just wanting to hear the words “yes, baby looks great.” Being cautious of what I ate, where I ate, what weights I was picking up, what social circumstances and places I put myself in. The pressure of knowing that I was my babies advocate, that if something didn’t feel right, that if I noticed a drop in its movements, that all this was up to me to protect was really fucking hard to deal with. It was up to me to say something, it was my responsibility.

On the other hand trying to wrap my head around the fact that I could ultimately do everything “right” & that if something happened it wasn’t my fault. For over 9months we carry that responsibility…it can be a long 9months.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved pregnancy, I just didn’t foresee the emotions and anxiety that would come along with it. Maybe it was due to my past experiences of miscarriages, or maybe thats just how some women feel, but I think that if you’re having these thoughts, you should voice them. I was able to speak to my closest friends & family about it, but looking back, maybe it would have been best to speak to a professional as well. My main point is, you’re not alone in feeling this and there is support around you, so please, use it.

And as for babies health? I just want to say, if you feel like something isn’t right, call your health care professional. Yes, it could be nothing, but our midwives were correct when they said that that’s what they’re there for. I’ve never really appreciated our health care system before, nor do I know a lot about it. But I feel so lucky to live in a place where these facilities and this care is available – so use it Mumma’s.


The Peninsula Mumma xo