The Things I’ve Only Found Out About Pregnancy From Actually Being Pregnant

First things first – why the FUCK do they call it “morning sickness”? This is not, in any way, shape or form an adequate description of the absolute head pounding, life debilitating “sickness” I experienced. And you want to know a fun fact? IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN IN THE MORNING! IT HAPPENS ALL DAY…EVERY DAY…FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME! Who knew?! Because they sure as hell kept that pretty bloody quiet! Some women deal with this for the whole 9 yards & to you ladies I say you are the unsung heroes of our race. I could barely do it for 7weeks! It was like having the worst hang over ever coupled with food poisoning, consistently & constantly for around 49 days – it felt a lot longer than 49 days – it felt like a lifetime. And yes, its worth it, absolutely it is, I wouldn’t change it for the world because to me it signalled that my body was doing shit it never had done before, but it doesn’t mean it was easy. In no way was that fucking “easy.” It got to a point where I forgot what being un-nauseated felt like. It makes you appreciate all those days and all those nights when you didn’t feel nauseous, that really, you took all of that time for granted. And yet – now being at a point where I can feel my baby kick its little limbs I can safely say I’d go through it all again…

Was I the only one not aware of the fact that your tummy gets hairy during pregnancy? I’ve got more hair on my tummy than my husband does on his lower back – and if you’ve seen my husbands lower back you’d know that’s no small feat.

When they say “drink around 600ml of water and then hold” so that your full bladder pushes your baby out a bit more for the ultrasound…Now, I knew this was a thing. What I didn’t know was how hard this was to achieve. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve drunk a lot in my life, I’ve also had to cross my legs and hold on until I found a bathroom (or a large bush) to go in. But I’m telling you, nothing prepares you for this mental challenge. Especially – ESPECIALLY – when the clinic is running 15minutes behind. Mate, I kid you not I thought I was going to die, I thought I was going to explode, I even started sweating! It was awful. It was painful. And then when we got in the room the lady declared I’d drank too much water and that I had to go to the bathroom, let “some” of it out & come back. Have you ever tried to only let “some” pee out? Because I’d never done that before. How much was too much? What if I peed it all out? What a task. What a fucking joke that was. Once I started peeing, the relief I felt was euphoric – followed closely by the panic of trying to stop mid-stream. They don’t teach you how to do that growing up…

I also didn’t know that constipation was involved. At around 13weeks I wasn’t sure if I was starting to show or if it was just the fact that I hadn’t released anything of substance for days on end. For anyone who suffers from constipation there’s no shits and giggles about it. Figuratively AND literally. So now, my daily diet consists of Metamucil tablets and my morning dose of All-Bran. Bran is now a staple in my diet. I can’t tell you how much I love bran.

Pregnancy Brain. Pregnancy Brain is a real thing. Like a legit (probably) science tested thing. For example: I was at work in my parents bakery (shout out to the French Bakehouse Mt Eliza) & a 50yr old male tradie got a pie, a donut & a Big M. Pretty standard stuff, right? We got to the transaction part of this encounter and I knew I needed to offer him a straw. Now, this is where “pregnancy brain” kicked in. I couldn’t remember the name for a “straw.” So, I looked at him, I asked “would you like one of those long black things to suck on?” whilst I mimicked running my hands up and down a straw. He looked at me blankly, I looked at him realising what the fuck I’d actually just said out loud & he calmly said “I’m hoping you mean a straw….?” #truestory #fml #neverunderestimatepregnancybrain

I’ve also learnt the utter happiness those first flutters bring, the excitement of going from looking like you’ve eaten 3 too many burgers to actually looking pregnant & all those other incredibly amazing moments, but I’d read about that, I knew those things would come…but for the more intimate details of pregnancy and mothering that I find out along the way for myself stay tuned!


The Peninsula Mumma x