Brazilians & Sex…To The Glucose Test

First things first, I got a Brazilian at 27weeks pregnant. If you have never had a Brazilian whilst 27 weeks pregnant you can NOT talk to me about the pain waxing causes. In fact, you have never had a Brazilian at 27 weeks pregnant just don’t talk to me about pain – at all. Now, I’ve been getting Brazilian’s for more than 12years – I know they aren’t pleasant, its not like you walk into the salon excited for your beautician to pour hot wax over your vagina & then rip your pubic hair off. Well, in saying that, I personally don’t see that as a pleasurable experience but hey, some of you might & I don’t judge. Good for you! BUT, nothing could have prepared me for this. You know how the most sensitive spot is in the middle just above your flaps? Well, that’s what it felt like but EVERYWHERE!

Do I love my Brazilian? Yes. Am I booked in for another one in a month’s time? Yes. Was it worth being able to go on holidays & wear a bikini whilst not scaring other beach goers into thinking my groin was being attacked by my own pubic hair? Yes.  I would also like to take this moment to congratulate my waxing lady because she was amazing – I was not coping AT ALL, and the gorgeous woman let me breath it out, she got it done as quickly & (I dare say) as pain-free as possible. She was witty & smart & kept me motivated throughout our joint ordeal. I have a connection with her now that can never be broken, a bond forged in wax & pubic hair. When I came home & got into the bathroom I had a quick look (because I am now at the stage where the only way I can see my vagina is in the mirror) & she’d done an impeccable job! Side note – who knew that that dark line on your baby bump went ALL THE WAY DOWN?! You learn something new every day!

I also went & had the dreaded Glucose Test. I’d heard it was going to be awful & so I mentally prepared myself for having to down like a litre of feral, thick, room temperature liquid…You can imagine my surprise when the lovely nurse pulled out a 300ml cold bottle of what resembled water! I had to ask her if this was just the first bottle I had to down & how many more were coming after. She informed me that this was it. So, I took the plunge & had my first sip…now ladies, I like sweets, like, I REALLY fucking like sweets so this drink to me just tasted like I’d put a little too much cordial in my drink but I’d decided to drink anyway! I can’t say I “enjoyed” it, but if I had to do it again I wouldn’t mind. Its like my whole strong cordial consuming life had been a training ground for this moment & bitches I fucking OWNED it! I mean, hey, I felt a bit sick after & extremely lethargic but did it stop me getting a smoothie & going shopping on the way home? Nope. In saying that – my girlfriend had to do hers the other day & she ended up vomiting all over herself in her car so…I guess that can happen too…she obviously hadn’t done her cordial training like me though.

Lets talk about being pregnant and having sex shall we? I’m sure my husband (who is extremely private) wont mind! #sorrybabe

But anyway! First trimester? It was a no. It was a “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME I FEEL SICK AND IF YOU TOUCH ME I WILL VOMIT ON YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME SO GET AWAY FROM ME” – kinda vibe. Looking back, I feel sorry for the poor guy, I don’t even think he WANTED to have sex with me, I think he was just trying to cuddle and comfort me, so I’m not sure if he warranted my aggressive response. He never complained though, or even yelled back at me, he would just smile and say “I’m sorry babe, I love you.” He is the sweetest thing I tell you, I’m not quite sure why he is with me sometimes.

Second trimester – For the most part I was all for it! I couldn’t get enough of it! I just loved being close to him & I loved not feeling nauseous so that we could celebrate this amazing time in our lives. UNTIL…that fateful time where my husband and I were having an intimate moment & I felt our baby kick. It was an odd sensation to say the least, but that was it, the moment of sex had died. I’m one of those people who has to put our dog outside if we are having some “adult cuddles” as my Mum used to say, so you can imagine my surprise, shock , alarm & anxiety when I felt my child move, whilst looking directly into my husbands eyes whilst he was on top of me…no words people, no words.

Third trimester – well, I’m only a few weeks in so I can’t really say for sure what its going to be like sex wise but hey, I’ll keep you posted!

Love,                                                                                                                                            The Peninsula Mumma xo