The Life Of An Overdue Pregnant Woman

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“Patience is a virtue,” they say. I don’t know how many other virtues there are but I can tell you right now that I don’t have that one. I’m 41weeks pregnant…nearly 42 actually, my “due date” has been AND it has gone. I am tired, exhausted, frustrated & exasperated. I want to meet my child. I want to graduate from being an incubator to a cow. I want that first cuddle, goddamn it I want that first fucking ridiculously painful contraction! Time is running at the same speed it does in a PT session – you know where you watch the clock count down in the gym but for some reason a minute seems to go on for like an hour? Yeah, well, it feels like that.

My waddling has peaked…it feels like I’m walking around with a bowling ball between my legs. My husband can’t even walk beside me anymore because he can’t actually walk that slow…I kid you not if there was a race between myself and a dead turtle, the dead turtle would win.

Even my pregnancy App has given up on me. It says to me everyday “DON’T FORGET TO REPORT YOUR BIRTH!” like yeah OVIA thanks for the reminder. Did you also know that from 40 to 41 weeks you don’t even get new fruit to choose from!? My baby was the size of a “Fresh Watermelon” last week & it is STILL the size of a “Fresh Watermelon.” I just think that’s mean OVIA, very, very mean! Although to be fair what fruit or vegetable is bigger than a watermelon…?

I’ve also started to retain a lot of fluid, not in my bladder because I empty that at least 74 times an hour. I’ve had to take off my engagement & wedding rings in the afternoons because my fingers now resemble beef sausages.

When someone starts a sentence with “have you tried…” I immediately just say yes. Yes I’ve tried the spicy food, the essential oils, bouncing on a ball, sex (which in all honesty was awkward for the both of us), nipple stimulation, acupuncture, talking to baby calmly, talking to baby sternly, meditation, stretch and sweeps (performed by the midwife guys – I didn’t try that at home!), labor elixirs from the health food store, pineapple…the list goes on! My realization came in the form of tears. I sat on the couch the other day, had a cry and surrendered to the process, knowing that when the time was right, when it was meant to be, we would get to meet our baby.

I do love all the messages though. All the people wishing me well & asking if baby has arrived yet. It is nice to know others are thinking of me. I just can’t wait to be able to give them an interesting update rather then “nope, still baking over here!”

I am also immensely proud of my body. It’s done a pretty phenomenal job. It allowed me to continue exercising up until around the 35wk mark, oh and you know, it grew a human. I think that’s pretty special. Actually – I KNOW that’s pretty fucking special.

I’m going to look back and miss being pregnant. The connection between baby and I, feeling baby move, watching my bump grow, being proud of my body & not just criticizing it all the time…I can honestly say I’ve never felt more self confident in my life then whilst I’ve been pregnant. It’s taught me so much. It has all been worth it – those first cuddles are now really just days away…and I can’t fucking wait.

Love,                                                                                                                                            The Peninsula Mumma xo

Anxiety & Pregnancy

For the past few days I’d noticed a significant drop in babies movements. I Googled it (because Google is always such a great idea when it comes to medical stuff right?) & found that it could be “normal.” I’d been battling with the idea to call the hospital & tell them for fear of being “that” patient. The one who overreacts & wastes our hospitals time. It sounds dumb, but that was my thought…I think deep down it was also because I didn’t want anything to be wrong, if I voiced my concern, then I could be right…I was scared & I was anxious.

On Monday I rang the hospital & I explained my situation – I was 39weeks pregnant & had noticed a significant decrease in Fetal movements. The midwife on the end of the phone was lovely, she asked a few questions and then said she would like me to come in, that she had my name & details & that I needed to head to the maternity ward as they would like to check everything.

Naturally, my husband was at work & it was literally the only day he couldn’t leave as he was there by himself. Secondly, I tried to call my Mum who for the past month has never let her phone leave her side…except for that day, when her & Dad wanted to surprise us by driving 25 minutes away to get their baby car seat fitted. ANYWAY – after a little time I was able to get in touch with them, I would meet them at their house & Mum would come with me into hospital.

When we got to the hospital the midwives were nothing short of amazing. I kept apologising for being there, they said to me “never apologise, that’s what we are here for, we want you to come in, we want to help!” This made me feel better. As soon as the monitors went on, baby started moving. Baby then didn’t stop moving…for four hours…because Baby was literally having a nonstop party the midwives couldn’t get a base heart rate reading.  After the fourth hour they sent me home & said to come back in a little bit as they really wanted to make sure everything was as it should be.

We went home, I had a shower, ate some pizza & my husband took me back in.

We were there for only 2hours this time. Baby had fallen asleep, but they now needed to see it move a little to let me go home. Baby did what they wanted & everything was fine. Perfectly & utterly fine.

These midwives were so thorough, so caring, so incredible. They were beautiful human beings & the care they provided was outstanding. I honestly can’t thank them enough.

It also got me thinking about the anxiety that I’d felt whilst pregnant. Those first twelve weeks – every time I went to the bathroom & wiped I’d silently pray not to see any blood. The anxiety before each ultrasound just wanting to hear the words “yes, baby looks great.” Being cautious of what I ate, where I ate, what weights I was picking up, what social circumstances and places I put myself in. The pressure of knowing that I was my babies advocate, that if something didn’t feel right, that if I noticed a drop in its movements, that all this was up to me to protect was really fucking hard to deal with. It was up to me to say something, it was my responsibility.

On the other hand trying to wrap my head around the fact that I could ultimately do everything “right” & that if something happened it wasn’t my fault. For over 9months we carry that responsibility…it can be a long 9months.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve loved pregnancy, I just didn’t foresee the emotions and anxiety that would come along with it. Maybe it was due to my past experiences of miscarriages, or maybe thats just how some women feel, but I think that if you’re having these thoughts, you should voice them. I was able to speak to my closest friends & family about it, but looking back, maybe it would have been best to speak to a professional as well. My main point is, you’re not alone in feeling this and there is support around you, so please, use it.

And as for babies health? I just want to say, if you feel like something isn’t right, call your health care professional. Yes, it could be nothing, but our midwives were correct when they said that that’s what they’re there for. I’ve never really appreciated our health care system before, nor do I know a lot about it. But I feel so lucky to live in a place where these facilities and this care is available – so use it Mumma’s.

Love,

The Peninsula Mumma xo

38wks Pregnant and Counting

Here we are, 38weeks pregnant, or is 478 weeks pregnant? I can’t tell. I’m in this weird limbo of realising I’m going to miss being pregnant whilst also wanting to meet this little parasite of mine. I also feel like I will never be ready after writing a long list of things that I want to accomplish before baby is born. You know, clean out the pantry, make meals and freeze them, pack hospital bag…all these things I want to achieve but lets be honest, who can be fucked? I’m tired. I’m tired all the time. If I manage to get up and go out to meet a girlfriend for lunch, then I feel I’ve accomplished something that day. The couch is my best friend, so is chocolate mousse & juice. I’d love to say that my body is starting to get fluid retention but if I’m being honest I think its just the copious amounts of hot cross buns I’ve been digesting.

Speaking of food & drinks…if someone would have asked me 12months ago what my favourite drink was I would have said a Passionfruit Mojito…if you asked me now I would say Peppermint Gaviscon. Heartburn is real ladies, it is real and (possibly although probably not) deadly. I also reminisce about all those years I used to be able to walk and not waddle. And how about a night where you actually sleep through? Oh what a novelty that would be. Right now I tend to wake up fully alert at 2am & around 4am. Good times. I also haven’t seen my vagina without the help of a mirror in god knows how long. The only reason I know its still there is because I have to wipe it 4,627 times a day – this is the approximate amount of times I need to pee.

I haven’t gotten any new stretch marks from pregnancy yet, I keep checking every night, knowing that at one point or another they will come. I am trying to prepare myself for them…my breasts have also begun to do their job; I’m expressing colostrum! Woo! I’m still shocked every time I see my boobs at work, I mean, before pregnancy when I was around 16/17 I would really only use them to help me get into clubs & get free drinks…its nice to see they are being used to their full potential.

Trying to turn from one side to the other when I’m lying down feels like I need a forklift. Not to mention, I have to rearrange my pillow fort & when your husband is 6”4 & your sharing a Queen sized bed with him & a 50kg German Shepherd it’s like a not so fun game of tetras trying to squeeze everything in.

There is also a possibility that if you are around me & you get a faint whiff of fart it has come from me. I say “possibility” when I should say “high probability” because gas is just part of my life now whether it comes from one end or the other.

Breathing deeply is also a luxury non-pregnant people take for granted. Additionally, being able to walk up maybe 4 stairs without being out of breath…I have no idea where my stomach & other organs are now that I am housing a baby that this week is roughly the size of a Pumpkin…

My husband also said that I have been quite “snappy” lately. That’s the word he used – SNAPPY. I looked at him and said “and why do you think that is?” he replied “I don’t know.” Lets see shall we? It couldn’t possibility be because I’ve been housing and bringing life to our newborn child for nearly 10months now which has meant my lifestyle, job, fitness, body & hormones have all changed & after our latest scan our babies head is now measuring in the 90th Percentile which I will have to try to push out of my vagina…he took back what he said & vacuumed the whole house. He also made dinner & let me watch a show on TV I know he hates without comment. I have decided to stay with him.

All this & more & you know what? I wouldn’t change a damn thing. Pregnancy is hard. Pregnancy is fucking hard but its also a goddamn miracle. From the moment I saw that second faint pink line to now my body has been growing a human. Like – an actual human! Not to mention one that is half of me & half of my husband. I know I point out the realities of pregnancy BUT I also know how incredibly lucky I am to be where I am. To be able to do this, to be able to carry a child, to be able to even be part of making one. Every time this baby moves, although sometimes its extremely painful & it loves to play on a nerve that gives me a shock from my bum hole to my belly button, I am reminded of how incredible this whole journey is. I know you other Mumma’s can relate! All in all, I can’t wait to meet this little soul, big head and everything.

Love,

The Peninsula Mumma xo

 

A Letter To My Unborn Child

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Dear Unborn Child,

We have come to call you “Baby Bear,” after your big fur brother who is called Yogi Bear. You will love him just as he will love you, of that we have no doubt. As I write this your actually kicking me in my ribs. Something you very much love to do, especially during the evening or after a hot cross bun. But hey, who doesn’t become excited after a hot cross bun right? You also kick a lot harder after I gently push back at you…we think that’s probably a sign that you may be a little like your Grandma & Grandpa. You are also stubborn.; of that we are sure. In every ultrasound we have had you have done the exact opposite of what the ultrasound lady has wanted you to do. When we wanted a photo of your gorgeous face you decided to face palm yourself so we couldn’t see it. I have no doubt your going to be a little one with a mind all of your own.

We found out about you while we were on a holiday. We were both drunk when we saw those two pink lines, it’s a great story – we will tell you all about it when you get older. You also weren’t the first little soul to be inside Mummy, we think about those other souls quite a bit & we know they gave you the strength to grow big & strong. You were the one that was meant to come earth side to meet us but we will always treasure the ones we were never meant to meet.

You should know that your Father can’t wait to meet you & hold you. Nearly every time he puts his hand on you now you stop moving – I think its because his touch calms you. He gets upset by it though, he is jealous that I get to feel you & carry you around all the time. What Daddy doesn’t realise yet is that carrying you around all the time (although an absolute blessing) is hard fucking work. Yes, that’s right, Mummy swears. I swear a lot. You wont be allowed to though, I know how unfair that seems but guess what? I’m your parent, I get to make rules that don’t seem fair so the sooner you realise that the better.

You should also know your Dad plays cricket – cricket is a game that goes on for hours/days and nothing exciting really happens. I’m hoping that if you want to play sport you will play basketball or some other game that only goes for 45minutes & can be played inside. Its your choice of course but Mummy doesn’t like cricket that much so maybe you should take that into account…I mean I did grow you inside of my own body for 10months, that should be worth something, right?

What you need to know about Mummy is this: Mummy is crazy. I am crazy loud, crazy talented & crazy in love with you. There will be times where you will probably not like me, there will be times where you will need me, there will be times where you will just want me to go away but guess what? I’m always going to be there. I want to say that again so you understand: I am ALWAYS going to be there. Tough love is part of who I am but it is sometimes what you will need. I will strive to always give you what you need more than what you want. Also, I want you to realise that I am a human too. I will make mistakes yes, but I also have my own personal hopes, dreams, wants, needs, desires & happiness. I want to teach you this, that I am Maggie as well as your Mum. I think that’s important for you to know.

You, my darling, as much as we are lucky to have you, you are also equally as lucky to have us. You will be born into a country with a shit load of problems but also one that is pretty damn incredible. You will also be born into a family that can support you & that loves you already. That love is endless, the support is endless, the incredible people around you that will inspire you are endless.

We all can’t wait to meet you little one. There is so much more to teach you & to share with you – you are already fucking amazing, never forget that.

Love,

Your Mum,

The Peninsula Mumma xo

How To Throw A Baby Shower When They Freak You Out

Not gunna lie – Baby Showers have always scared the fuck outta me. I’m usually sweating when I arrive at one. So the thought of having my own Baby Shower was something that literally terrified me. Why you may ask? Because when it comes to pregnancy, children, labour, anything do to with that stuff – I’ve always felt extremely out of my depth. And I don’t like doing things that I’m not good at, so to be the center of attention at an event for literally all the things that I don’t know about just freaked me out. Plus, I only like to play games I’m good at because I’m highly competitive, so when it comes to games involving dolls & nappies I don’t do very well. The only Baby Shower game I seem to excel at is the one where you get all those photos of women & you have to guess if it’s a photo of a woman in a porno or if it’s a photo of a woman giving birth…for some reason I tend to win that one…

So – I decided that I wanted a joint Baby Shower with my husband. I wanted to celebrate it with all of our friends, family & the little kids already in our lives. I didn’t want to play any games, I just wanted it to be a very laid back celebration of the little soul we had created. And so that’s what we did – in the Best Man speech at our wedding he said “look what can be accomplished when Brad is ignored.” – this statement was also true about our Baby Shower.

The invite was in the form of a text message. Not even a picture message, just your average text with the date, time & venue. I think that set the tone for the whole thing! Brad was a little bit mortified with that style of invite but to me, I was kinda just like fuck it – its fine!

No one really “threw” the Shower for us. Our family made the food, some of our friends helped us set up on the day but other than that I pretty much organised it. I’m a great delegator you see, it is a very hefty strength of mine. Although, in saying that, I do now understand why pregnant women don’t throw their own Baby Showers. I forgot things like cutlery, I had to make list upon list of everything so I remembered what I was actually suppose to be doing on what days. I was exhausted, my cankles were starting to form & the long fuse I had developed during pregnancy was definitely a lot shorter than normal.

Am I the only one that gets severe anxiety the day of their party? All I kept thinking was “what if no one turns up?” I rang my girlfriend and told her this, her reply was pretty fucking brilliant. She said – “well, if no one turns up its just gunna be me, you & 120 Nutella Donuts…” I realised that was a pretty good Plan B.

We had our Baby Shower in my parents backyard, seating consisted of hay bails & we had huge rugs laid out with pillows scattered around. Food was three different types of baguettes, mini quiche, homemade Dip with celery & carrots (which my older sister, who is not at all domesticated cut up – go you good thing!), a lolly bar, popcorn & our famous Nutella Donuts. I tell ya – it pays to know people who own the best bakery on the Mornington Peninsula #thanksmumanddad

It honestly was a fantastic day, one that was perfect for us. I think that’s the key in all of this, we did what was right for us. So that’s the advice I would give any mother to be who is thinking about their Baby Shower – do what will make you happy.

I can’t thank everyone enough for your well wishes, support, help, presents & really giving us the greatest gift of all – being happy for us.

Love,

The Peninsula Mumma xo

Birthing Classes – Yay or Nay?

Just in case you’re not aware, I am not a naturally “calm” person. I’m not hyperactive or anything, but I don’t regularly engage in meditation, yoga or any of that “get in touch with your inner soul” kinda shit. So when friends of ours encouraged us to do Calm Birth Classes I was somewhat sceptical. But hey, “why not?” I thought, and so I enrolled my husband & I in a weekend intensive.

Going into that specific weekend I knew next to nothing about labour & birth. To be honest, it was only a few years ago that I learnt that the placenta actually has to come out post labour…that was a fun fact I’d never heard before! I didn’t really want to know much about it, everything I’d seen, everything I’d heard, it was just a really painful shit experience but you know, you got your kid at the end of it so yay for you! I didn’t really know what to expect out of these classes, I didn’t know if we’d just sit in a circle on the floor doing different breathing exercises whilst our partners would sit behind us and encourage – or if we were just going to watch videos of women giving birth from different angles and had to take notes. Thank FUCK it was NOTHING like what I thought.

On the Saturday, I actually went with my Mum because my husband was playing cricket…yep…cricket…bastard…ANYWAY – every other pregnant woman was there with her husband or partner, I could feel people looking at me with my Mum, possibly thinking I was the young pregnant girl who’s baby Daddy didn’t want anything to do with the baby and who’d obviously left me to raise this child on my own (I can get a little dramatic at times). When we went round & introduced ourselves, I was quick to point out that Brad was playing cricket, this was met with mixed reactions, most of the men laughed & one even turned to his pregnant wife & said “see? I told you I could have just played & come tomorrow!” the look she gave him shut him down. Hard.

I won’t go into detail about what we learnt because I am not a professional, nor do I have any experience in giving birth BUT I will say this; It was an amazing weekend! Seriously, I have come out of it with SO much information & such a new perspective on labour. Yes, we did meditate, yes we did breathing exercises but you know what? The best part was that our teacher also taught us WHY meditation was important, WHY staying calm was important, WHY breathing was important. She was able to back up all these things with not only medical facts but also anecdotes from her career as a midwife, which directly related to each new thing we learnt. Knowledge really is power, and fuck me this woman was powerful.

The whole weekend calmed me. I seriously thought the only way to get through labour was through gritted teeth & howling in pain. I am now excited for it! I’m excited for the challenge, I’m excited to meet my baby at the end of it, I’m excited to try and implement what we learnt & I also trust that the midwives & Obstetricians that will surround me will help me through. I am also a lot more aware of problematic situations that could arise & know a little about what may happen with a few scenarios so I’m not going in there with my eyes shut. I know, I know – its still gunna hurt like hell & it might not go at all to “plan” but wouldn’t it be better for me (or anyone) to go in with a positive attitude than go in already feeling scared & anxious?

The other awesome thing about that weekend was that Brad got SO much out of it as well. He loved it, he loved learning about it all & he loved learning about what he could do for me. Again, this was OUR experience & everyone’s experience may differ but for us, it was incredible & I am so thankful for it.

So – if anyone is thinking of doing Calm Birth Classes, personally, I would HIGHLY recommend them. Also, if you live near the Mornington Peninsula & you’re interested in who we went to, get in contact & I can share her website with you.

Love,

The Peninsula Mumma xo

Brazilians & Sex…To The Glucose Test

First things first, I got a Brazilian at 27weeks pregnant. If you have never had a Brazilian whilst 27 weeks pregnant you can NOT talk to me about the pain waxing causes. In fact, you have never had a Brazilian at 27 weeks pregnant just don’t talk to me about pain – at all. Now, I’ve been getting Brazilian’s for more than 12years – I know they aren’t pleasant, its not like you walk into the salon excited for your beautician to pour hot wax over your vagina & then rip your pubic hair off. Well, in saying that, I personally don’t see that as a pleasurable experience but hey, some of you might & I don’t judge. Good for you! BUT, nothing could have prepared me for this. You know how the most sensitive spot is in the middle just above your flaps? Well, that’s what it felt like but EVERYWHERE!

Do I love my Brazilian? Yes. Am I booked in for another one in a month’s time? Yes. Was it worth being able to go on holidays & wear a bikini whilst not scaring other beach goers into thinking my groin was being attacked by my own pubic hair? Yes.  I would also like to take this moment to congratulate my waxing lady because she was amazing – I was not coping AT ALL, and the gorgeous woman let me breath it out, she got it done as quickly & (I dare say) as pain-free as possible. She was witty & smart & kept me motivated throughout our joint ordeal. I have a connection with her now that can never be broken, a bond forged in wax & pubic hair. When I came home & got into the bathroom I had a quick look (because I am now at the stage where the only way I can see my vagina is in the mirror) & she’d done an impeccable job! Side note – who knew that that dark line on your baby bump went ALL THE WAY DOWN?! You learn something new every day!

I also went & had the dreaded Glucose Test. I’d heard it was going to be awful & so I mentally prepared myself for having to down like a litre of feral, thick, room temperature liquid…You can imagine my surprise when the lovely nurse pulled out a 300ml cold bottle of what resembled water! I had to ask her if this was just the first bottle I had to down & how many more were coming after. She informed me that this was it. So, I took the plunge & had my first sip…now ladies, I like sweets, like, I REALLY fucking like sweets so this drink to me just tasted like I’d put a little too much cordial in my drink but I’d decided to drink anyway! I can’t say I “enjoyed” it, but if I had to do it again I wouldn’t mind. Its like my whole strong cordial consuming life had been a training ground for this moment & bitches I fucking OWNED it! I mean, hey, I felt a bit sick after & extremely lethargic but did it stop me getting a smoothie & going shopping on the way home? Nope. In saying that – my girlfriend had to do hers the other day & she ended up vomiting all over herself in her car so…I guess that can happen too…she obviously hadn’t done her cordial training like me though.

Lets talk about being pregnant and having sex shall we? I’m sure my husband (who is extremely private) wont mind! #sorrybabe

But anyway! First trimester? It was a no. It was a “DON’T FUCKING TOUCH ME I FEEL SICK AND IF YOU TOUCH ME I WILL VOMIT ON YOU! YOU DID THIS TO ME SO GET AWAY FROM ME” – kinda vibe. Looking back, I feel sorry for the poor guy, I don’t even think he WANTED to have sex with me, I think he was just trying to cuddle and comfort me, so I’m not sure if he warranted my aggressive response. He never complained though, or even yelled back at me, he would just smile and say “I’m sorry babe, I love you.” He is the sweetest thing I tell you, I’m not quite sure why he is with me sometimes.

Second trimester – For the most part I was all for it! I couldn’t get enough of it! I just loved being close to him & I loved not feeling nauseous so that we could celebrate this amazing time in our lives. UNTIL…that fateful time where my husband and I were having an intimate moment & I felt our baby kick. It was an odd sensation to say the least, but that was it, the moment of sex had died. I’m one of those people who has to put our dog outside if we are having some “adult cuddles” as my Mum used to say, so you can imagine my surprise, shock , alarm & anxiety when I felt my child move, whilst looking directly into my husbands eyes whilst he was on top of me…no words people, no words.

Third trimester – well, I’m only a few weeks in so I can’t really say for sure what its going to be like sex wise but hey, I’ll keep you posted!

Love,                                                                                                                                            The Peninsula Mumma xo

From a Bunch of Banana’s to my Birth Plan

So, the highlight of my week are Mondays. Why you may ask? Because Mondays are my roll over day to the next week of pregnancy you see. My pregnancy app updates to a new week and tells me different things about what my little parasite is up to, what bodily changes I can expect that week and (my favourite) compares babies size to fruit and vegies. I can’t tell you how much joy I get out of that comparison, I’m not sure why and it could just be me, but fuck I look forward to that every bloody week. Here’s the frustrating thing though, last week it said baby was the size of a Butternut Squash and this week it says its now the size of a Bunch of Banana’s…sometimes I feel like I get a bit ripped off, like how many banana’s make up a bunch mate? Pretty sure I liked it being the size of a Butternut Squash actually. Fucking “Bunch of Bananas” is bullshit!

Fun fact – my app also told me to look out because I could start lactating – yay. So obviously I am paranoid about leakage. Thanks Ovia – great tip there. I’m also at a stage where walking up a flight of stairs is something I consider as my “daily cardio.” Although not fully constipated, I do get quite a significant amount of joy when I get that feeling of needing to go do #2’s & it ends up being a very quick and pleasurable experience. #thanksbran

My body has now become addicted to sugar. I’m not sure if this is pregnancy related or just due to the fact that being this time of year, I have eaten my body wait in Ferrero Rocher’s and now my brain just expects its daily intake. I looked in the mirror the other day and said to my husband “babe, I think I’m getting fatter,” he responded with “yeah you are starting to resemble a Ferrero Rocher now.” I would not advice any husbands to tell their pregnant wives that they resemble a Ferrero Rocher. I did not take this as a compliment. I don’t think anyone can take that as a compliment.

Because I look pregnant now, I’ve also started to hear the labour stories of complete strangers. They have ranged from the incredible & joyous to the horrendous & inexplicably painful. I’m hoping mine will be somewhere towards the “joyous.” I’m not quite sure how hearing all of these stories has made me feel. I know mine will be just that: mine, and that you can’t go off anyone else’s experience because your body will react in a unique way. I do however like to concentrate on the fact that I’m not the only woman that has to give birth and that there have been quite a few other women who have gone through it before me – some even under tree’s or in the desert & they’ve done just fine. I have also watched the only video I need to watch about childbirth. It was a 3minute nicely animated video on Facebook with a calm UK woman speaking about the different stages of birth and what the baby & your body does. That’s enough for me. No “One Born Every Minute” necessary thank-you. I don’t need to see other women screaming in pain, that’s not going to help me. I did also watch that movie where the lady just sneezed and the baby came out – if possible I’d like to order one of those births thanks.

I’ve decided not to go in with a “birthing plan.” Not for any other reason than I know myself & I know I like plans, I like them a lot. BUT – and this is a big BUT – if I type out a nice plan & things start going OFF the plan I’ll freak the fuck out. So…I’ve decided my only plan is this: go in, do what needs to be done, try not to want the drugs, try for a natural vaginal birth, do what the midwives tell me, do what’s best for myself and my baby. Simple yet I believe effective. My whole belief about birth (coming from someone who hasn’t been through it of course) is do what’s right for you, have whomever you need in the room, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want & listen to the professionals. My Mum loves telling the story of how she was in labour and my Dad was sitting on a chair in the corner eating sandwiches. She tells this story with a lot of gusto whilst my Dad always replies with “it didn’t look that bad.” I can tell you right now, if anyone is getting a sandwich it will be me, if anyone is sitting down, it will be me, and if Brad even slightly believes at any point that labour isn’t “that bad” I’m going to grab an IV drip and stick it in his neck. Lets just blame that last sentence on the hormones shall we?

Love,

The Peninsula Mumma xo

The Ramblings of a 25wk Pregnant Lady

I’ve started to waddle. I swear to GOD I’ve started to waddle. I also feel like I’ve been kicked in the vagina, like, not a little kick – I’m talking about a fully grown AFL size male has kicked my vagina instead of a footy kinda kick. I can’t have cordial anymore because it gives me heartburn & I am trying to eat a balanced diet but all I want is the same foods every day. My hips ache when I sleep & sometimes I will randomly wake up at 3am thinking about how the fuck I’m suppose to breastfeed, when I doubt my newborn could get their lips around my now incredibly large nipples. These are the types of thoughts that have come into my brain this week. These are the ramblings of a 25wk pregnant lady…and there’s more!

Did you know that when you reach 25weeks you only have 15 weeks to go until your due date? That’s 15 Fridays. 15 FUCKING FRIDAYS! That is NOT a lot of Fridays. I swear the first 12weeks goes so slow, all you think about is reaching that milestone and every day just drags on…but after that? It flies. Like, say goodbye to feeling “prepared” or thinking you “have time” because you don’t. Soon enough you’ll be at your 20wk scan seeing baby look all human like & kicking away, next second you’re me and HAVE 15 FRIDAYS UNTIL YOUR DUE! FUCK!

Also – how can my boobs get any bigger? I’m pretty sure they don’t even hold milk yet, but I’ve already gone up 3 sizes. I am now an E cup…and for someone who started out as a modest C cup this is a whole new thing. My back is starting to hurt a little from them, honestly, those ladies who are naturally blessed with bigger titties I take my hat off to you! Well done for living with these two mountains protruding from your chest! Well done I say!

I’ve never been a big crier. But guess what? I am now. Its my new party trick. I can just burst into tears & it doesn’t matter where I am, who I’m with or what I’m doing. My crying does not discriminate between a good or bad time, it has a mind of its own. And its not like I’m crying because I’m upset, no, it can be when I see a funny meme on Facebook or simply when I’m watching a commercial on TV. I also feel things a lot more…for instance, I served a lady at work the other day who told me her house had just burnt down…I carried that heavily the whole day & when I get home I burst into tears, put my hands and face up against a wall and whispered “thank you for not burning down.” I was just overwhelmed by this lady not being in her home for Christmas that it made me realise how lucky I was in my non-burnt home.

I also sneezed and pissed myself a little. I said I would be honest. This is me being honest.

The positives about being 25wks pregnant? I actually look pregnant now which is amazing. From 12 to around 23weeks I just looked like I’d already eaten our Christmas ham. I didn’t feel comfortable wearing tight things because I felt like people would look at my belly and just think “oh dear – she let herself go.” I also hated wearing baggy clothes because it just made me look like a rectangle. And although I love rectangles (because that’s the shape cakes, mars bars & tasty cheese blocks are) I did not want to resemble a rectangle. So, now that I’ve moved past that stage I have this incredible little baby bump sticking out for all the world to see & it feels incredible.

What else? You feel your own little parasite kicking & so can other people! It is the BEST! I’d say it’s even better than not being constipated anymore & that’s a big bloody statement. I still cant quite wrap my head around the fact that there is a human living inside of me & this human can now hear my voice, is the size of a baseball glove and also (something we learned at our 20wk scan) has a head circumference of 18.6cm. I still don’t quite know how to feel about that last piece of information but all I know is that baby has 15 Fridays left to grow.

Love,

The Peninsula Mumma x

The Things I’ve Only Found Out About Pregnancy From Actually Being Pregnant

First things first – why the FUCK do they call it “morning sickness”? This is not, in any way, shape or form an adequate description of the absolute head pounding, life debilitating “sickness” I experienced. And you want to know a fun fact? IT DOESN’T JUST HAPPEN IN THE MORNING! IT HAPPENS ALL DAY…EVERY DAY…FOR A LONG PERIOD OF TIME! Who knew?! Because they sure as hell kept that pretty bloody quiet! Some women deal with this for the whole 9 yards & to you ladies I say you are the unsung heroes of our race. I could barely do it for 7weeks! It was like having the worst hang over ever coupled with food poisoning, consistently & constantly for around 49 days – it felt a lot longer than 49 days – it felt like a lifetime. And yes, its worth it, absolutely it is, I wouldn’t change it for the world because to me it signalled that my body was doing shit it never had done before, but it doesn’t mean it was easy. In no way was that fucking “easy.” It got to a point where I forgot what being un-nauseated felt like. It makes you appreciate all those days and all those nights when you didn’t feel nauseous, that really, you took all of that time for granted. And yet – now being at a point where I can feel my baby kick its little limbs I can safely say I’d go through it all again…

Was I the only one not aware of the fact that your tummy gets hairy during pregnancy? I’ve got more hair on my tummy than my husband does on his lower back – and if you’ve seen my husbands lower back you’d know that’s no small feat.

When they say “drink around 600ml of water and then hold” so that your full bladder pushes your baby out a bit more for the ultrasound…Now, I knew this was a thing. What I didn’t know was how hard this was to achieve. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve drunk a lot in my life, I’ve also had to cross my legs and hold on until I found a bathroom (or a large bush) to go in. But I’m telling you, nothing prepares you for this mental challenge. Especially – ESPECIALLY – when the clinic is running 15minutes behind. Mate, I kid you not I thought I was going to die, I thought I was going to explode, I even started sweating! It was awful. It was painful. And then when we got in the room the lady declared I’d drank too much water and that I had to go to the bathroom, let “some” of it out & come back. Have you ever tried to only let “some” pee out? Because I’d never done that before. How much was too much? What if I peed it all out? What a task. What a fucking joke that was. Once I started peeing, the relief I felt was euphoric – followed closely by the panic of trying to stop mid-stream. They don’t teach you how to do that growing up…

I also didn’t know that constipation was involved. At around 13weeks I wasn’t sure if I was starting to show or if it was just the fact that I hadn’t released anything of substance for days on end. For anyone who suffers from constipation there’s no shits and giggles about it. Figuratively AND literally. So now, my daily diet consists of Metamucil tablets and my morning dose of All-Bran. Bran is now a staple in my diet. I can’t tell you how much I love bran.

Pregnancy Brain. Pregnancy Brain is a real thing. Like a legit (probably) science tested thing. For example: I was at work in my parents bakery (shout out to the French Bakehouse Mt Eliza) & a 50yr old male tradie got a pie, a donut & a Big M. Pretty standard stuff, right? We got to the transaction part of this encounter and I knew I needed to offer him a straw. Now, this is where “pregnancy brain” kicked in. I couldn’t remember the name for a “straw.” So, I looked at him, I asked “would you like one of those long black things to suck on?” whilst I mimicked running my hands up and down a straw. He looked at me blankly, I looked at him realising what the fuck I’d actually just said out loud & he calmly said “I’m hoping you mean a straw….?” #truestory #fml #neverunderestimatepregnancybrain

I’ve also learnt the utter happiness those first flutters bring, the excitement of going from looking like you’ve eaten 3 too many burgers to actually looking pregnant & all those other incredibly amazing moments, but I’d read about that, I knew those things would come…but for the more intimate details of pregnancy and mothering that I find out along the way for myself stay tuned!

Love,

The Peninsula Mumma x