What a week! What a glorious week that we were absolutely not prepared for! That first night at the hospital we were put in a shared room – now sharing a room isn’t what threw me, it was the fact that it meant that Brad couldn’t stay, which in turn meant that I was suppose to look after my baby, a newborn, by myself…I can tell you right now that I had a little meltdown. I mean, I’d just gone through the activity of pushing a watermelon out of my vagina & now I was suppose to be in charge of another human…thank GOD for the magic button that I could press which meant a midwife would come and help me. The thought of going home without that magic button terrified me.
The other thing I wasn’t prepared for was the worry I felt every time the nurses would test him. The anxiety of waiting for them to say “yes he’s doing great” was intense…I can only imagine how I’ll feel if Jagger decided to play footy or go overseas…
Boobs. Let talk about Boobs! I had cracked nipples for the first 3 days. This was due to the fact that Jagger loved the boob & my milk hadn’t come in yet so he had to suck quite hard to get the amount of colostrum that his belly desired. By day 4 my milk came in – I actually got Brad to come outside with me so I could show him how far I could squirt my milk! I was so proud! I also got an instant boob job. They looked AMAZING but at the same time were quite sore…ice packs ladies, ice packs! I’m pretty lucky though, Jagger latched really well from the start so we haven’t had any issues with feeding…except for the fact that sometimes he chokes on my milk mid-feed…I panic every fucking time. I also got concerned because in the hospital it would look like I was suffocating him with my boob when he was feeding…the nurse informed me that he was perfectly fine.
Now, what should you expect when you go home? Nothing. Do not have any expectations! Babies are SO different! For us – the most challenging times was the two first nights at home. Between the hours of 9pm-5am Jagger was either feeding & quiet, or not feeding & crying. Those were his two settings. The second night at home, it was around 2am that I turned to my husband with a sobbing Jagger in my arms and quietly said “go get me a dummy.” We put it in his mouth and he fell asleep…it is my belief that dummies are magical.
We should also discuss what happened down south. All I can say is that I asked the nurse to check if I’d grown a ball sack…to my relief I had not, it was just the swelling. Flushable wet wipes were also my saviour & are an absolute must when it comes to packing your hospital bag! Also – the thought of doing number 2’s petrified me. I don’t think I pooed for 2 days just out of fear. But hey, with some help from my good friends Metamucil & water, it happened & it has slowly gotten easier.
If you have a boy make sure his willy is ALWAYS pointing down. When I was changing him I noticed his little wand moving & sticking up…I thought that maybe I’d touched it wrong…yeah, willy’s get hard when they are about to pee. He drenched me with his water pistol. I’ve also been shit on – it was like watching a little poo fountain…it ruined our new rug. Now is probably a good time to remove most of our valuables from our home.
Emotions – they took a bit of a beating. I know some women experience the “blues” but I didn’t really get that…I did get overwhelmed though. When we had too many visitors I would find that my head would start to pound. It was like my brain didn’t have enough room to take in everything around me. I would sit silently & try to engage in the conversation but feel a little irritated. I also got a little teary a couple of times, I couldn’t pin point exactly what it was, but I just felt exhausted & a little numb. I always shared how I was feeling with Brad – I knew it was important for both of us to be as open and honest about our mental states because it was such a huge shift for our relationship as well.
All in all that first week was fucking tough. It was filled with so many new experiences & less sleep than I have ever had in my life. I didn’t realise how hard it was going to be but I also didn’t realise how rewarding it is. We have gotten to know our son better than anyone else. For instance; he hates being swaddled, he loves having his hands up when he sleeps, he loves windows and looking outside, he hates the bassinet & he loves water…all these little things amaze me. Jagger amazes me. As the weeks pass by I know it will get easier some days & harder on others but the one thing that just keeps growing is my love for him – he’s just perfection to me, poo fountains and all.
The Peninsula Mumma xo